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Category: Mistrust

5Feb, 2015

3d-happy-family-1

Which of these do you have more in your family?

Fights, Quarrels, Malice, Anger, Hatred, Jealousy, Mistrust, Unforgiveness and Fear?

OR

Peace, Trust, Love, Humour, Happiness, Joy, Forgiveness, Friendship, Care and Togetherness?

There is no perfect family, every family experiences good and bad times. No matter what holds in your family, the bond you share with the people with whom you have gotten a great percentage of your features and attributes from, will always need to be made stronger.

Looking at the family as a support system, it is expedient that we make it stronger so as to stand the test of time. Parents as well as children have a part to play towards strengthening the family ties.

Gaining tips to achieve this will be of great benefit in this month of Love and always. Here are some amazing tips to help strengthen your family ties.

Tip #1respect

Respect: respect is reciprocal- this old saying is so true even when it comes to family life, having mutual respect for one another in the home is necessary in building a strong family. Children having respect for parents, husband and wife having respect for each other, parents respecting their children and children respecting one another. When there is respect in the home it creates an atmosphere of being thought of as important.

Tip #2

Express Love: actions speak louder than words. A lot of families love each other in their hearts but never express it with actions. Let there be no boundaries when it comes to expressing Love to your family. Saying I love you is important and adding actions to it makes it even better. Deliberately do things for each other and let it become a habit.

Tip #3

Do things together: family playsome call it “family time”, making time to do things together as a family should not be downplayed. Let’s look at it this way, your family is the team you belong to and for you to win or score, you all have to work together. For your family to bond more, you have to do these more often: Laugh together, work together, eat together, play together, pray together, go for walks together, watch TV together etc.

Tip #4

Study each other: you may not have a Degree in Psychology but proximity affords you the opportunity to study your family members, at least the ones close to you. The reason for this is because the more you know about someone, the more you’ll better handle or live with such a person and vice versa.

Tip #5forgive1

Forgive easily: forgiving can be difficult sometimes but what unforgiveness does to you is even worse. So learn to forgive each other easily no matter what has happened, it might take a while but don’t let it take forever.

Tip #6

Treat your family specially: you are familiar with your family but that does not mean you should treat them with contempt as this is often the case. It’s sad to see people treat others better than they treat their own family members. this has to stop! Treat your dad, mom, brother, sisters and significant others specially. This will make your family stronger and knitted together.treat special

Tip #7

Use kind words: some call it “magic word” every family has one or more, it may be “please”, “am sorry” “excuse me” or “can you?” these are polite  statements which express something positive to the receiving party. Use these and more kind words with your family, it will grow tenderness and kindness in your hearts.

family write

Families are complicated yet wonderful and implementing these simple tips will help you strengthen your family ties. The beautiful thing is that it gets less complicated when you are knitted together in love.

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”– Mother Teresa

 

You can join in our daily Love dare throughout the month of February by following @DrMorayoJimoh for more amazing updates.

 

1Apr, 2014

Take a moment and try to remember the last time you told a ‘small’ or a ‘white’ lie…

Do you remember how it felt?

Now, take another moment and try to remember the last time you told a major lie…

Do you remember how it felt?

If you were caught, can you recall how you felt at that time? Not a very good feeling I presume. person_ashamed1

Whatever the size of the lie, big or small, lying makes us feel uneasy. There’s a valid reason why Benjamin Franklin professed Honesty as the best policy. It affects us psychologically, emotionally and even physically. Here are a few points to emphasize the importance of being honest.

1. You become less anxious when you’re more honest. There’s no such thing as a relaxed liarrelaxed-woman
. Studies have found that lying triggers the release of stress hormones. These hormones make us anxious and increase our heart rates and blood pressure. Hence the more we lie, the more anxious and stressed we become. Honesty makes us more relaxed generally, psychically and mentally.

handshake2. Honesty improves self-confidence and trust. When we lie often, especially about ourselves, we get caught up in that fantasy that we become dissatisfied with our present selves and begin to lose confidence. It’s almost like one has to lie to look good, and deep down is aware of that. You begin to depend on lies instead of your ability to improve yourself and cope with the circumstances. In addition, others would soon begin to realize that you lie often and consequentially lose confidence in you and brand you as dishonest to others. You also begin to lose trust in yourself. On the other hand, an honest person is almost always acclaimed by his or her peers and has a lot of peoples trust. He would have a lot of responsibilities due to this trust, which will in turn boost his or her self confidence. Being honest makes us self-affirmed.

3. Honesty improves relationships. In all types of relationships, once trust is broken it is normally difficult to fix. laughing-coupleContinuous dishonesty goes the extra mile to damage almost every relationship you are in. This would be evident soon enough to make you unhappy and could cause you to sink into depression. Honesty does the exact opposite. It solidifies every relationship you’re involved in and improves the likelihood of you forming new good relationships with people you meet. Good relationships ultimately improves our overall happiness and well-being.

There is no little or ‘white’ lie. Habitual lying begins from lying about the little things and almost always ends up with one lying about the bigger things which could cause substantial damage in ones life. On your road to habitual honesty, start by telling the truth about the littlest things and in time you’d find that recourse is always telling the truth.

The truth shall set you free! That’s psychotherapy is very effective, it’s based on complete honesty. It’s the first step towards solving any problem. Be honest, with yourself and with others.

Life comes down to honesty and doing what’s right. That’s what’s most important.

– Bob Feller

20Feb, 2014

mistrustMistrust often occurs as a result of negative past experiences either with parents, lovers or someone once trusted in the past. The pain caused by that person’s “betrayal” tends to create a significant level of anxiety which deters people from having confidence in another. This reaction although logical could drastically hinder interpersonal relationships and could ultimately destroy, if not prevent, romantic relationships. A number of people, probably more common in women, prefer to stay away from romantic relationships in order to prevent emotional dependence on another as that would leave them vulnerable to the pain of heartbreak. This anxiety, among other set-backs, could lead to depression and loneliness. However, if you are single due to trust issues it is not the end of the world. There are some solutions which could help your situation.

1. Trust yourself. People often blame themselves when they have been betrayed in the past and implicitly do not trust that they can separate the trustworthy from the untrustworthy anymore. It is very difficult to trust others when you do not trust yourself. Create inner confidence in yourself by exploring your fears and being mentally aware of how they hold you back.

2. Take a leap. Extra caution is your comfort zone, get out of it. Get close to someone who have had in mind and carefully steer the relationship by being as honest to them as you would want them to be with you. Let them know how you feel most times and ease into emotional bonding which you have feared so much in the past. Let the person know from the start that you want to slowly ease into the relationship. As you ease into the relationship, continually remind yourself that you should not punish this person for another’s mistake and give them a chance to prove their loyalty.

3. Learn from mistakes. We all make mistakes and will continue to, so why not learn from them? As quoted from Rafiki the Baboon from the Disney picture The Lion King, the past does hurt, but you can either run from it or learn from it. The wiser decision would be to learn from your past mistakes and let that pain from the past, if any, go. This is difficult but would be easier if you focus on the present moment and prepare for the future with whoever you choose. This awareness of the present moment, which is a core principle of mindfulness meditation, is vital in order to reduce anxiety and significantly improve interpersonal relationships.

There is usually a fear of not being able to handle being betrayed by the one person you finally decided to let your guard down for and trust. Don’t worry about that. Having taken these steps you will be self-assured and would find moving on with life much easier than you think. Do not be anxious about past mistakes or about the future. Enjoy each moment.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway

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