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16Dec, 2015

 

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion”- Dalai Lama

Fostering-Character-Development-in-Teens-Compassion-pt-1

Showing kindness not only to family members and friends but also to strangers is a sure way to enjoy your holiday. Sometimes to make the holiday truly memorable, you will need to do something different from what you’ve done in your past holidays.

Love is better expressed when it is directed at those who do not expect it from you.

Showing love to a spouse, sibling, friend or family member is a common act but then how often do we think about those who are not in any way related to us? How often do we show love to those in need? How often do we reach out to the old, the less privileged, the physically/ mentally challenged, the widowed and even those random individuals we see on the streets?

Do you really want to make this holiday worthwhile?

Then make an effort to meet a need in someone’s life this season

To achieve this, here is a very practical 10- Day plan to reach out to others!

DAY 1:

Make Three People Smile Todayimages

Saying a word of affirmation can help you achieve this. Say things like “you are beautiful/ handsome”, “I love your smile” or “that’s a lovely dress/shirt you have on”. You can also achieve this by giving out a small note with a word of encouragement written on it.

DAY 2:

Buy a gift for a strangergifts

This act seems a little weird but it is an amazing way to surprise someone this holiday and spice up your holiday as well.

 

DAY 3:

Give out your good old clothes and other items to someone who needs themfree_clothes

Many of us form the habit of disposing our old stuffs when we no longer need them ignoring the fact that there are some people who cannot afford these items. This season, instead of discarding your good old stuffs, give it to someone who needs it. You’ll be glad you did.

DAY 4:

Help make the environment beautifulParkCareVolunteer_rdax_495x278

Today, take out time to beautify the environment. Resolve not to litter the environment, take an extra step to clean up your surroundings, plant some flowers, decorate the environment etc. You never can tell how much the beauty of the environment would lighten someone’s heart.

DAY 5:

Spend time with an elderly person today!

One Step at a Time

Look out for an elderly person in your environment and spend time with him/her. You can also help out with some house chores like taking out the trash, helping out with laundry, cooking a meal, mowing the lawn or you can even tell them a story.

DAY 6:

Be the reason a Child is happy todayhellping a child

The smile you leave on a child’s face today might just be what you need to make your holiday a memorable one this season. Pause and think! Device a means to make a child happy today and see how that makes you feel.

DAY 7:

Visit the Orphanageaids-orphan-children-africa-6

Visit the orphanage today. You may need to buy some gift items for the orphans if you wish to. You can also decide to engage them in fun stuffs like teaching them new songs, telling them stories, playing games and acting.

DAY 8:

Reach out to the sickmormon-caringforsick

Your encouragement would go a long way in the recovery process of a sick person today. Visit a hospital and give words of encouragement to the sick!

DAY 9:

Show concern for someone who is despondent

encouragement-600x340

Try to encourage someone who is down. Use both words and actions. Don’t just be sympathetic but as much as possible try to plant hope in the person.

DAY 10:

Be Nice

Be nice to everyone you meet today. Be polite- say please, excuse me, thank you, and I’m sorry as many times as possible. Be quick to forgive those who offend you and also quick to apologize to those you’ve wronged.

For more insightful updates on #TouchaHeartThisHoliday follow me on twitter @drmorayoJimoh

3Mar, 2015

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

-Dave Meurer

ringsMarriage is a sacred institution that signifies the joining of hearts and minds of a man and a woman in a union that is expected to last until death. This institution is most looked forward to by young adults as they desire to share their lives with their “true love”. Let’s pause a bit and look closely at the term “true love”. How true is this love that makes a man do anything to capture the heart of his damsel? Is there such a thing as fake love? What exactly is love in the confines of marriage? How would you define love?

Sometimes, we are confronted with the credibility of our spouse’s profession of love. When two people take vows to cherish and love each other forever, they, at that moment experience a rush of love or feelings that carry them on till a year or so. Research by James Spencer at Brigham Young University (1992) in a longitudinal study measuring marital quality, revealed that universally,  romantic love is experienced in the first year of marriage. After this period, the couple is soon faced with the reality of living with a completely different person from a different background with different interests and preferences. Arguments, conflicts and moments of angry outbursts may be common at this period which may question the veracity of the initial love professed at the time of taking solemn vows.

Does this sound familiar? If you are married I’m sure you can accede to the fact that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are times of “up” and times of “down”. Times to laugh and cry, fight and make up, criticize and encourage, etc.

Based on a research by Campbell, Weiner-Davis, DeMaria, Harrar et al, Chris Garner proposed 5 stages of marriage which are:

1. The Enchantment phase:

This is otherwise known as the honey moon phase. This phase has been researched to last a year or two depending on when children arrive. It is a passion fueled phase with intense focus on attraction. Couples believe that they will live happily ever after much like the fairy tale stories of Cinderella and snow white. Excitement and euphoria characterize this stage and couples usually share similar interests. They can talk for long hours without getting tired. At this stage, all they want is to be together.

enchantment

2.  The Realization phase:

Feelings of euphoria wear off and couples realize how different they are. It is a time of disenchantment where they realize differences that exist between them. Power tussles, arguments and conflict over minor as well as major issues results. Remember the story of a couple who fought over how to squeeze toothpaste? This kind of scenario often occurs at this stage. Would it be sufficient to state that the love that once existed has gone sour?

realization3. The Acceptance phase:

At this phase, the differences observed are accepted. Each person begins to see the other person and accept him/her without being judgmental; after all it would be difficult to change the other person. Couples at this stage are able to work through the challenges they face.

acceptance

4. The Commitment phase:

Understanding, peace and harmony are characteristic features of this stage. This is a matured stage of a relationship that exists even when problems and conflicts arise. Couples have learnt to understand themselves and work through whatever comes their way through teamwork and cooperation. Each couple knows about the weaknesses of the other but choose to stay or commit themselves to them based on the strengths they have.

5. The Co-creation phase:

Couples who get to this stage look beyond themselves and extend their oneness to others. They are able to work together in unity to bring about impact in the lives of those around them. They are able to contribute their own quota to society by mentoring young ones and giving back in different ways.

With these 5 stages, how would you define love? Is it primarily the passion that comprises the enchantment stage, the intimacy of acceptance phase or the commitment of the commitment stage? The truth is a combination of all 3. This was proposed by Robert Sternberg in his Triarchic theory of love.

So, love basically is a mix of PASSION, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT.

Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships.

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