How to Parent: Is there one way?

How to Parent: Is there one way?

Across diverse cultures, decades of investigation, and hundreds of studies, psychologists have identified four main patterns in how people parent their children.  It is amazing how Nigerians cannot conclusively agree on a definition of good food. For example, some people find it unacceptable to prepare pounded yam with any method other than the traditional mortar and pestle. In contrast, others swear by modern pounding machines, asserting that they do not compromise the flavor and texture of the delicacy. Yet, on matters of parenting, the whole world seems to agree.

Regardless of where we come from and what we’ve lived through, when raising children, we are all confined to the dimensions of control and warmth/responsiveness – in lack or excess. I mean the struggle is always going to be between discipline, firmness, use of authority, and sensitivity and responsiveness to the child’s perspective and feelings. This leaves parents with two points of focus, having ‘proper’ children, or having a meaningful relationship with their children. As it stands, having both is akin to a fairytale, and most parents end up unintentionally (or otherwise) valuing one and sacrificing the other.

Four combinations of push and pull between these forces give us four ways of raising children. One or more of these come naturally to most parents: Authoritarian parenting, Authoritative parenting, Indulgent-Permissive parenting, and Indifferent-Uninvolved/Neglectful parenting. Each of the aforementioned parenting styles certainly has major advantages and disadvantages. However, it is important to note and remember that each parent can use different parenting styles in different situations, at different times, and with different children. This is dependent on both the personalities of the parent and child, the mood, and the gravity of the situation.

At the end of the day, it is not really about a debate between the four parenting styles. What matters most is that parents can adapt their methods when needed and provide balance and predictability to give their children a stable foundation to grow.

Stay tuned as we explore the different styles of parenting studied by psychologists, their long-term effects, and how they impact parent-child dynamics.

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