Mother’s day is here again and we would like to give you tips on making your mum special not just TODAY but EVERYDAY.

Enjoy!

A Mother’s Love
There are times when only a Mother’s love
Can understand our tears,
Can soothe our disappoints
And calm all of our fears.
There are times when only a Mother’s love
Can share the joy we feel
When something we’ve dreamed about
Quite suddenly is real.
There are times when only a Mother’s faith
Can help us on life’s way
And inspire in us the confidence
We need from day to day.
For a Mother’s heart and a Mother’s faith
And a Mother’s steadfast love
Were fashioned by the Angels
And sent from God above.
– Author Unknown

Happy Mother’s day!

From Mobile Health Consult!

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children,

but we can at least prepare our children for the future”. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

If you are you a parent or plan to become one someday, you will definitely want the best for your child. The question is, how much are you willing to invest in order to see your child become the “best”? – Take a moment to think deeply about this.

A lot of people believe that their parents were strict with them while growing up and vowed to treat their own children better but may be shocked to realize that they may do same or worse in raising their own children. Some others, on the other hand, are thankful to their parents for the parenting style that was adopted in raising them.

Parenting is a huge responsibility which should also be seen as an adventure.

Here are 4 different parenting styles: The first three was classified by Diana Baumrind (1967) while the fourth style was by Maccoby and Martin (1983).

Authoritarian Parenting Style:

Refers to an extremely harsh or strict method of parenting where the children don’t have a say in the home and cannot express themselves but are rather expected to follow the stated rules and regulations. A loving parent-child relationship is non-existent here. This style of parenting will in turn produce children with: low self-esteem, anger problems, anxiety, depression, they may tend to be socially withdrawn, they may conform easily and be fearful.

 Authoritative Parenting Style: 

This is a more balanced method of parenting with proper parent-child relationship. The parents are firm with the children in a loving and understanding manner as they seek to build a sense of responsibility and independence in their children. Children from such parents will become independent individuals, disciplined, social, they will tend to have good interpersonal relationship skills and are usually emotionally stable.

 

Permissive Parenting Style: 

Here, anything goes as the parents “allow” any behaviour the children may exhibit as long as the children are happy because they genuinely care about the children but are somewhat excessively non-restrictive or relaxed about controlling the behaviour of the children. In this method, parents may have to bribe or give special treats to their children before they can get them to do what is expected of them. Children with such upbringing will eventually become demanding, spoilt, aggressive, always wanting to get their way and lack self-discipline/ self-control.

 Uninvolved Parenting Style:

In this style, the parent neglects the child and is often detached from the child emotionally and in some cases otherwise. Love and affection is not being expressed to the child by the parent as it ought to be. The parent sees his/her sole responsibility as providing only basic needs such as food and shelter for the child and expects the child to take care him/herself afterwards. This style of parenting will produce children that will tend to feel lonely, have low self-esteem/self worth, may become drug/alcohol addicts and antisocial.

 

Which of these styles do you think best describes your parents’ method of raising you?

Could it be the authoritarian, authoritative, permissive or the uninvolved parenting style?

What influence do you think their style of parenting has had or is having on you as an adult?

 

 

Comment below on your experience. Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more mind blowing updates on parenting and child development throughout the month of March.

 

“If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world”.

– Dorothy Law Neite

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

-Dave Meurer

Marriage is a sacred institution that signifies the joining of hearts and minds of a man and a woman in a union that is expected to last until death. This institution is most looked forward to by young adults as they desire to share their lives with their “true love”. Let’s pause a bit and look closely at the term “true love”. How true is this love that makes a man do anything to capture the heart of his damsel? Is there such a thing as fake love? What exactly is love in the confines of marriage? How would you define love?

Sometimes, we are confronted with the credibility of our spouse’s profession of love. When two people take vows to cherish and love each other forever, they, at that moment experience a rush of love or feelings that carry them on till a year or so. Research by James Spencer at Brigham Young University (1992) in a longitudinal study measuring marital quality, revealed that universally,  romantic love is experienced in the first year of marriage. After this period, the couple is soon faced with the reality of living with a completely different person from a different background with different interests and preferences. Arguments, conflicts and moments of angry outbursts may be common at this period which may question the veracity of the initial love professed at the time of taking solemn vows.

Does this sound familiar? If you are married I’m sure you can accede to the fact that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are times of “up” and times of “down”. Times to laugh and cry, fight and make up, criticize and encourage, etc.

Based on a research by Campbell, Weiner-Davis, DeMaria, Harrar et al, Chris Garner proposed 5 stages of marriage which are:

1. The Enchantment phase:

This is otherwise known as the honey moon phase. This phase has been researched to last a year or two depending on when children arrive. It is a passion fueled phase with intense focus on attraction. Couples believe that they will live happily ever after much like the fairy tale stories of Cinderella and snow white. Excitement and euphoria characterize this stage and couples usually share similar interests. They can talk for long hours without getting tired. At this stage, all they want is to be together.

2.  The Realization phase:

Feelings of euphoria wear off and couples realize how different they are. It is a time of disenchantment where they realize differences that exist between them. Power tussles, arguments and conflict over minor as well as major issues results. Remember the story of a couple who fought over how to squeeze toothpaste? This kind of scenario often occurs at this stage. Would it be sufficient to state that the love that once existed has gone sour?

3. The Acceptance phase:

At this phase, the differences observed are accepted. Each person begins to see the other person and accept him/her without being judgmental; after all it would be difficult to change the other person. Couples at this stage are able to work through the challenges they face.

4. The Commitment phase:

Understanding, peace and harmony are characteristic features of this stage. This is a matured stage of a relationship that exists even when problems and conflicts arise. Couples have learnt to understand themselves and work through whatever comes their way through teamwork and cooperation. Each couple knows about the weaknesses of the other but choose to stay or commit themselves to them based on the strengths they have.

5. The Co-creation phase:

Couples who get to this stage look beyond themselves and extend their oneness to others. They are able to work together in unity to bring about impact in the lives of those around them. They are able to contribute their own quota to society by mentoring young ones and giving back in different ways.

With these 5 stages, how would you define love? Is it primarily the passion that comprises the enchantment stage, the intimacy of acceptance phase or the commitment of the commitment stage? The truth is a combination of all 3. This was proposed by Robert Sternberg in his Triarchic theory of love.

So, love basically is a mix of PASSION, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT.

Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships.