If you feel you are not movingin the right direction in life, or you are confused about your future or you seem to be under-achieving then this post is specifically for you.

Everybody wants to be successful and it could be frustrating when things aren’t going our way or when we don’t feel in control of the progression of our lives. The answer is straightforward:

                                                                                                     The key to success is setting goals

Goal-setting in its own is an art, as it needs continuous rehearsal before one can fully yield and appreciate the benefits. Here are a few tips to effective goal-setting:

1. Write them down 

The first and probably most important step to achieving your goals is to write them down. In a diary, on your phone, anywhere! Write them down in order as well. Preferably according to priority. Write them somewhere that is easily accessible so they act as a constant reminder of what you want.

2. Be sincere with yourself

Make sure these goals you’ve written down are what you really want and within your capacity. Know your limits. Ask yourself each day, “what can I do today to get me closer to my ultimate goal?” when you get the answer, DO IT.

3. Set clear goals

Be specific when writing your goals. You shouldn’t just “want to be rich”, that’s not specific enough. Start step by step with reasonable and clear planning such as “in 3 months i would like to achieve X amount of money in my savings”. Write exactly what you want to achieve and when you want to achieve it. Set short-term goals and long-term goals as clearly as you can. Also be concise so you often have them all in mind.

4. Tell a few close friends about it

Whether it’s family or your closest friends, tell them about your goals. The support you may get from them would help you and give you more confidence. They could also help by suggesting other ways to achieve your goals which you may not have realized. But don’t tell too many people as you could get carried away. Tell a few, maybe 2 or 3 close and positive people. It is important to keep positive people around you and stay focused.

5. Have a strong mind

Once you have set a specific goal that you know you can achieve, hold it dearly. Refuse to be talked out of it. Do not be influenced by what others seem to be doing that’s working for them or people who tell you that you cannot do it. Stay focused.

6. Stay mindful of your progress

It is vital that you gauge your progress as often as you can. Whether by ticking boxes or cancelling your achievements. It enables you to complete short term goals and shows you how close or how far you really are from achieving long terms goals. This gives you a real view of your progress.

7. Set yourself up for success

Don’t distract yourself with other unnecessary things and don’t spend too much time in leisure. Discipline is very important if one is serious about achieving their goals. Put yourself in situations that will help you get a step closer to your goals. Places you go, people you meet, the things you discuss, what you wear and things you spend your time doing should all be pushing you to achieve your potential.

In life, we find that those people who are seeking for the “perfect” job, the “perfect” child, the “perfect” lover and so on are unhappy. This is because they are chasing shadows in the dark;”perfect” is an illusion. No job is perfect and neither your lover nor your child is or will be. It may be difficult to come to terms with, for some, but for most this is expected. One way of testing this is by asking yourself if something or someone can be improved. We find out that 99% of the time the answer is “yes, we can improve this – he or she can be even better”. This is not a pessimistic approach to life, but a realistic one. So most times we find that we have to compromise with life, amend our wants and embrace the reality. But not everyone is willing to do so and they often end up falling into depression or having anxiety disorders.

This happens because their NEED for perfection in whatever aspect of their life would not let them be happy. By way of illustration,  insisting whoever you meet must tick ALL your boxes before you move forward with them. Or you keep focusing on the one small mistake you made during a presentation which in reality was still brilliant regardless. To base your happiness on someone or something being perfect, even yourself, is just like tossing all your life savings into the ocean and hoping it will all float back. Nothing will ever be perfect so therefore your happiness would be ‘out of your control’. One of the easiest ways to fall into depression is believing you’re not in control of your own happiness.

Such a person would need to learn satisfaction. Being satisfied with your job or with someone helps you appreciate and enjoy the job or the person more. You’re not anxious that they’re not good enough or that they will never be perfect. You are aware of their imperfections and you’re satisfied with them that way. Focus only on the things you can change. Learn to live with the thing you can’t.

Note that being satisfied does not mean you should not aim for the best. In everything, do your best, then be satisfied. 

SATISFACTION, not PERFECTION, is the key to HAPPINESS.

Every parent  would normally have different methods of raising their children, but it is fair to say that whichever method used can fall under these two categories, they either spare the rod or don’t. Most African homes tend to follow the ever famous Bible quote Prov. 13: 24, which has been understood to imply “Spare the rod, spoil the child”, and therefore physically discipline their children until they get to an age were they naturally become more reasonable and responsible.

This method is pretty much a form of conditioning which psychologists over the years have shown works with animals and infants. However, one has to consider the possible effects physical discipline could have on a child on the long run. Would it eventually make the child more disciplined or more violent to others? More stubborn or more compliant? A modern theory is that the long-term effects of whatever method parents use to train their children would depend significantly on that child’s temperament.

According to the American psychologist Jerome Kagan, a temperament refers to those aspects of an individual’s personality, such as introversion or extroversion, that are often regarded as innate rather than learned. Arguably the most common theory of temperaments would be that which suggests choleric, sanguine, melancholic and phlegmatic temperaments are fundamental. Having said that, shall all parents then carefully observe the temperament of their children as to discover the the more effective methods to use when raising that child?

If you say yes- that would require at least one parent spending adequate time with the infant. Time which most working parents should but may not have. However the benefits may well be worth it. Take for example a choleric child and a sanguine child. Sanguines are said to be pleasure-seeking and sociable, therefore it may be more effective using reward and punishment for such a child than for a choleric child who is more stubborn and assertive.

On the other hand, if you say no- it means that you believe that both children should be disciplined the same way regardless. This would mean treating a melancholic child who is naturally prone to sadness with the same sternness used for a naturally stubborn child. The long term effects for the melancholic child may be devastating. Having said that, it’s naturally the troublesome and more stubborn children that would get more physical discipline than the others. This could prove just as the better behaved children, having observed the consequences of bad behaviour, are reinforced in their behaviour and are beaten less.

Whatever method one chooses to use to discipline their children, it is important that they do it solely for the good of the child. Using a child as a punching bag due to being frustrated with life or transferring anger from work on your child would do more damage than good to that child.

Be mindful of your actions – especially when dealing with children.

Whats YOUR opinion? You are very welcome to leave your comments below.

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